Friday, January 23, 2009

The number Two. Where I actually help...

Hey. This was the first time I helped someone. I hope that she is doing well now, and that my words helped pave the way for a bright an glorious future in whatever she did.
I'm sure she is successful now.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Number One, The first, It begins.
Current mood:Radical

Hello my little darlings. Today I recieved the first of many love letters of advice.
It was sent by a very attractive woman who I will only refer to as 'Joli'.
Joli means pretty in the language of the French. And as all of us know, the French are a passionate people. We could all learn a thing or two from them.
On to Joli's query:

Dear YES, ANDY!,

I am a long time fan, but a first time advice-seeker.

I will be turning 30 in may. what things must I do before then, while I can still use "being in my 20's" as an excuse?

Dear Jolie,
I told everyone from the start that I wouldn't post anything about my personal life, but for you, I will make an exception.
I am pushing 30 myself. You can't tell, I know. I use a regiment of ointments and serums that defy the aging process so I look like a 'cool and 70 degree' 24 year old. Don't let my baby face fool you! I have been around the block on more than one occasion. I have dined with princesses and exchanged witty banter with ruthless dictators. I am loved by all, but no one really knows me... But I have said too much.

Or have I?

Jolie, Hell if I know...
However, if I were a betting man (and I am) I would venture to say that you are very attractive. Being attractive opens doors that for plain looking people are closed. Use this fact as a weapon. A sword, if you will. This sword of truth will help you gain confidence to do new things. (Please note, Joli & other readers, that I will use the theme of 5 in many of my responses to your thrilling queries. These 5 things will be stream of conciousness thoughts. Maybe they will have bearing on what you wanted to know. Maybe not. They are inspired by what you asked me, but I have a short attention span, as I am a man. I like shiny things).

1) Do not under any circumstance, buy a book of things you need to do before you die. These books are trivial coffee table crap. A life best lived is one that is spontaneous.

2) Start wearing dark lipstick. This is very sexy, and Yes, Andy! approves.

3) Throw a 'Shot Party'? This is a gathering of people who sit around a table and do shots of your favourite type of alcohol. It usually ends in making out, or awkward mornings where you promise to call or text sometime later in the day. This rarely ever happens, and when the other person asks you weeks later why you never called, you can say: 'I am in my 20's. And the sex you gave me was bad. Good day to you.'

4) Move to another city on a whim. Minneapolis is nice this time of year...Ok. It isn't, but there is lots of opportunity to earn experience points with local writers.

5) As in Music, so in life. Do you have a theme song? If not, get one. Choose something that sparks good memories. I find that things I listened to in High School are good places to start looking. Something with a driving beat. A song that you wouldn't mind playing on loop while you are having really great sex. A tune that has enough meaning to let you know that you fucking rock. And inspires others to think that you do too.I like music.

Joli, I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground most times.
Don't let this be a deterrent to ask me other questions.
I'm just being honest with you.
You need to be honest with yourself, too.
Do you feel like you are not living life to the fullest? When I feel that way, I eat a hostess fruit pie and dance naked in my apartment. Usually wearing a funny hat. Try it, you'll like it.
I also find that correspondence with advice givers is the perfect way of venting some much needed steam :)
I think that things you do should never be passed off with an excuse like "I'm in my 20's". Live your life like you want to. Be happy in knowing that you are a late-20's super sexy vixen, soon to be an early 30's super sexy vixen. And I know that not all things need to be of a sexual nature, but I was thinking about sex just a few minutes ago, so it's on my mind.
No regrets, Joli. Never ever ever. Everything you do from now until the day you die is what has made you what you are. And what are you? A lady with your whole life ahead of you. A life with nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Believe in yourself like Yes Andy! does. All things will fall into place.
30 is just a number, and time is relative. And you are the Mistress of your own destiny. Write a book about how wonderful you are, and send it to me. I like reading Non-fiction, and so does the world.

You Stay Awesome, Joli.

Your friend,
Yes Andy!

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