Friday, January 23, 2009

We have now reached ten people.

We made it to ten. This is amazing! I wonder what the future holds?

Saturday, December 02, 2006

A soapy lather...
Current mood:Getting ready for a shower...

Citizens of the planet,
Looks like the word is spreading, and for that, I thank you. Answering your questions is like a really good cup of coffee right when you wake up in the morning. You know, when you actually take the time to prep the machine the night before, then program it to start brewing just as your alarm is going off? You make me feel like dancing, so I am the whiskey in the barrel around the neck of your St. Bernard. Also, I am drinking whiskey, so I am in essence- Drinking myself. Have a sip, won't you?This one comes from a woman named Brady. She's been burned. Enjoy!

I have had a problem with having a lot of razor burn under my arms and in other areas and I don't know how to get my skin to get used to it. Is there a way to shave without getting razor burn or anything that may help get rid of it?
Thanks, Brady

Dear Brady,
Hell if I know, but if I were a guy who uses razors (which I am), I'd give my delicate skin a stern talking to. Using, of course, my razor sharp wit…Here are some things you can do to make your smooth parts smoother and your hairy parts not so hairy. Strap yourself in.

1) Use a super sharp razor every time you shave. Sometimes, you cannot find humor in shaving. Sorry.

2) I am a big fan of using lots of shaving cream or gel. In fact, if you think you have just enough, use more. Use a lot more. Use so much shaving cream that it looks like your armpits or whatever you are shaving has rabies. Want a fun idea to pass the time while you are in the shower? Cover your entire body in shaving cream. Pretend that you are a cake person, and your skin is actually made of icing. Fight the urge to lick yourself, as it is not really icing, and you are not in fact made of cake.

3) Speaking of things to do in the shower when you are bored, invite someone you find attractive over to shower with you. Have sex in the shower. You can also incorporate the 'cake person' scenario with them. You will probably have a lot of fun role playing, as the person you invited over could play the part of the "Naughty Baker" and the only way they can get 'clean' is by fucking a cake person…I don't know, I'm just throwing out ideas.

4) Try using hair conditioner as a shaving lubricant. It makes your skin soft, and might help reduce the burn. Again, I feel you have options. Funny or not.

5) Stop shaving altogether. There are people who are into that. Yes Andy! Isn't one of them, but I'm not the only fish in the sea. I'm just the only one who matters.

Brady, I think you need to change up the brands you use for shaving supplies. But more importantly, you need to change your attitude. Have a positive outlook on things before you bet into the shower. You might find that your subconscious is making you shave a bit too hard or maybe too fast. Slow and steady wins the race, Brady. Relax a bit. Have a glass of wine, lather up and do it nice and slow. Take pictures to help you feel sexy. Or invite someone over and do a photo shoot. Yeah. That's the best advice. Do that. I'm glad I chose to help you, Brady. And I am looking forward to those pictures. Remember, change your shaving lubricant to a shaving lubri-can.

Stay Awesome, Brady!

Your Naughty Baker,
Yes Andy!

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